20151112

Entered the SC Johnson sweeps but did not win (instantaneous). I did not understand recording a reaction video when I am not yet with my family. Perhaps they should make it more clear, but I was already on the page where I had to cancel before I could read further.

Still trying to write novel, so these may be shorter for now, but recording stream of consciousness that I will not use in novel.

20150914

Gotta write somewhere. Gotta write something. What an appropriate forum.

I'm feeling nervous. I'm sure some of it is starting lessons with a new voice teacher, but I don't know what the rest is.

Perhaps that I'm still angry at X1.

Do "they" choose librarians intentionally who can walk fast? The lady helping me be "another set of eyes" flew down the short stretch to the graphic novels.

Going to look up Julia Cameron. BRB....


Got her and also some note about Letters to a Young Artist... lol. Going to look up Wilke, whose name I only just now got. Haha.

Well, got to checking out Cameron on line and now it's time for warmups. Later.


Edit at 4:28:
Well, really annoying day where nothing worked. Gotta love that, right? Man, the guy behind me is tapping loudly.

That just reminded me of when I asked Marilyn about adverbs and who and whom usage and when grandma had me call her about speaking Italian and when grandma told me about the three degrees.

Typing that reminded me of how important showing off was and the aunt whose name I cannot remember right now and Bradley and Susan and their daughters.

I really don't feel like much right now. Earlier I was thinking, how do you get through places where you are not doing so well to places where you're thriving? What are the instruments?


Only at 234 words, checking Word for count, and finding out that I, at least, can't find word count for a notebook. Pasted in a boring document. Moving on. (P.S. Did not know that there were notebook templates, so that's a plus.)


Just thought of Oprah and her thankfulness initiative.

Things for Which to Be Thankful:
1. breathing
2. stuff
3. food
4. some people
5. music
6. the bari Ray sent me (cried watching that earlier)
7. mom being in my life (even if only for a short period)
8. intelligence
9. changing self-talk around
10. introspection
11. extroversion
12. the library
13. the studios
14. martha's house
15. apples
16. apples
17. God
18. Jesus
19. the Holy Spirit
20. the spirit God gave me
21. light
22. reading

Although I feel a little better, maybe I would feel a lot better with some kind of mood regulator. For now, gonna try food.


Edit at 4:42

So, remembered dreaming something about mom and losing her again. Also dreamt about work. I had to keep training people, but there was one really lazy one and she was gonna get me in trouble so I did my best to remain courteous and encourage her. She didn't move, but work appreciated my attitude, so they just disciplined her.

20150521

With all of the other things I'm writing daily, how will I ever get to this?

Lots of memories today, too. Woke up with them. Don't exactly remember now-vivid dreams but did not document. Did that cause the reminiscent flow?

20150516

I was just thinking about how this being up is starting to annoy me, and I want to change that attitude. It is a good reminder to do it, and I must be able to write even when it is required of me, not just when I have some brilliant insight on which to repose. I also must not let its indication of a number of words limit me. People who read this, namely, me, will not mind if I ramble on and on, since it's just my morning pages. If I were to go on too long in a thesis paper for instance, the instructors/board would be justified in calling me over-verbose. However, this is my space and a place where it's accepted, and somewhat encouraged to do so if that's what makes the good things work.

20150504

I love you, baby! to my dog, Mary, all the time.

franticness

I love the band, Cake. I don't care if their songs sound all alike. They have moments of musical genius, and at least it's a good sound. My big thing is that I love their lyrics. Have a listen. There's no fanlisting. I think I'll make one one of these days.

^^Part One^^

(P.S.) My fingers automatically do what I really want them to even though I have brain "fluffs" sometimes.

Granny saying that "fluff" is better to say than fart.

Eating things we shouldn't have when we were kids and the consequences

With Bree in the computer lab and dancing at ATT
(what else do I remember from being at her barracks?)

Dale Sands' people with blonde hair and brown eyes and the tree swing

^^A Very Long P.S. (Part One-A)^^

20150513

On the inside looking out. Perhaps a worse feeling than being outside looking in. There have been times when I really felt the drive to look like everyone else, to do what they're doing. These times have been few and far between. For the most part, I'm the type to see what exactly we can get by going outside the established norm. "Thinking outside the box," (whether you will, or you won't).

I love to challenge myself, and I love being challenged by the world (to a point--too much young death). Aligning more with the mental and physical synonym venture rather than accost! Requiring passion and bravery rather than patience or planning.(113)

20150507

approx 600 words from Bible study
12:16 PM 5/7/2015

162 words of private memories/memory songs
12:22 PM 5/7/2015

476 freeish words
_____________________________________

1238/750

(Dr. Sykes at my IUB Motown class's Sock Hop, Summer 2013)


What to write about today? Why do I nearly always start with that question? Thinking about the prophesy about questioning as inevitable after that.

Mary’s laying here and being a nice little electric blanket in the relatively cool A/C.

What subjects are interesting this morning? I know I woke up with writing in my head. (Thanks, Rainer Maria Rilke/Sister Act.) Frequently I wake up with a song as well, just like Sister Mary Clarence (Whoopi Goldberg) quotes to character Rita Watson (Lauryn Hill). http://classicsdefined.com/letters.html

Abbreviations of thoughts that people who I want to know will understand or remember but that don’t give too much away.

I miss mom. Wrote a mother’s day post today and hearing songs I sang with her and recognizing her lineage and influence in objects scattered around the room, some as random as the Raphael Ninja Turtle figure my friend bought for me as a present for my nephew. Aunt Robin and mom singing Marty Robbins’ “Spanish Lullaby” with us in the back of the car on any number of occasions or on the front porch and the ensuing harmonization discussion that once followed.

At least I can get some of this down. Sometimes I worry about all the time and interesting memories that I’ve lost and then I remember jumping in the fountain after mom picked me up from Bay Street players or Grandma Martha’s story about Deborah C. overhearing my singing in the costume closet in the rafters or my courage in actually trying out for American Idol [too nervous but gorgeous voice] or skating with Skate World in the parade, a small number of seemingly innumerable memories that surface from time to time, I am sure floating down from above to remind me that my life has been full and blessed, no matter the number of tragedies I face.

Inspired voice versus original voice in singing (various sources and Brian) and writing—if I wake up, is that more my original voice than going through the day having interacted with outside stimuli and then writing “under the influence”? (Especially reading Lorrie Smith. I realized that she writes like I think I might do best, in short, beautifully phrased, staccato stream of conscious and subconsciousness.)

It’s still hard to write 1667 for morning pages, so I may choose to stick to 750 for the randomness and do what the one blogger (if you are that blogger, please let me know and I’ll update this) who recommended the plan and some other great hints for easily exceeding 1667 words a day for novels.

As for now, I’m still writing and coming up with things, so perhaps I’ll continue. Let me see how many words more private memories add (66).

Actually, I’ve got to get going with the day, so I’ll go with the 750 for this morning. More later, I hope!

20150430

What Women Want-we don't know ourselves For three or four months out of the year, the size of a buck cannot be measured. As they shed their antlers, they roam wild, free to shapeshift as they please. More here later. I hope. ;) Yawn, and wait for the life to refill your sleeping form. Beauty resumes its course across your face, fresh (hopefully) air fills your lungs, and...(interruptions erupt)

20150429

There is nothing to write about and there is everything. There are tears in another girl's eyes that I have cried before, yet they are uniquely hers. I'm on another precipice (When am I not? When am I on that solid ground that I built with God in a faith and identity unshakeable, where I can reach others through a strength fully my own yet given to me by Someone stronger than everything in the world that falls apart.)

20150422

(First 99 words censored for privacy, but I promise I did write them--the following would be too much effort if I just pretended:

 

(I cannot promise that I didn't just type 99 completely random words to take up space and make up this story, but what writing isn't 100 random words organized over a quality gradient? If you're that concerned about it, thank you! (But you'll never pry those words out of my head, even with a truth serum!) See? Completely random.))

Oh. My 100th word is “Oh.” I did notice the 99th word, somewhat auspicious in itself, but did not attempt to choose something like “supercalifragilisticexpialidocious” to supersede it. The mere fact that I have stopped to point this out takes something mildly funny and ironic and deflates the joke. Of course, I could have left it as “my,” just about as promising as “oh.”

That’s 163. (Well, that was 163, but if I keep typing...oh, you get the idea. The idea is gotten?)

What else to talk about? Having friends in high places...writing your own writing prompts? Why isn’t that a fragment? Especially when “It sort of rhymes” is. What about the question of questions and questioning? Is it too old? Is it still relevant? Does it still cause problems? It seems to cause an unnecessary verbosity. The program let me keep that word without so much as a red squiggle.

Here we are at another precipice. A third of the way to the end and what word do I choose? “Here.” Perhaps the more important word, but just as innocuous, is “we.” Well, that one might have a little more power to move, especially as it involves the egos of the “more than one.” (Or the royal.) (Yes, I use too many parentheses.)

The 251st word as important rather than, or perhaps with, the 250th reflects the embarkation (Yes! That’s also a word!) on the second third of the goal of 750 words (seeing that I am an overachiever who must always give that little extra, as in running a 6 minute jog when 5 is assigned (which can be problematic in its own right, especially if brevity and efficiency are the order of the day)).

If I were to break down the actual requirement of 720, we would be no better off with “me,” that self-centered, often highly-boring word based in the universe of a single individual with perhaps no more to offer than spending their bi-monthly Friday night paycheck drinking beer and falling asleep to the fishing channel in their Goodwill-acquired easy chair (such a state not necessarily being viewed as negative by the author).

Then there is the 500th word, which considered in the light of 720 words seems less important that the 480th that marks the (my favorite “word of note”) halfway point of accomplishment. In the land where efforts are marked by some silly sense of “going the extra mile (or minute, as it is in this case),” perhaps the word “silly” might be attributed some special meaning, however appropriately ironic. In this story, let’s just ignore it.

Or how about having a nifty milestone fall on the actual number being stated in the passing of the story? Since I have gone way too overboard on the subject as is, let’s ignore that, too, and see if we can find a different rather monotonous subject to contemplate.

Oh, no! I can’t think of any more to say. It appears that unlike the life of purpose described above as working for a living and then enjoying it in an even more productive way as finding rest on the 7th day, I cannot think of a single subject other than the number of words I face. Being a writer, that precarious state doubles my sin, since no one wants to hear a poet with flowery words but no substance.

Even those poets who use words in a beautiful way without saying anything at all have an advantage since they are able to find a way to disguise their emptiness around an imperceptible inner structure. As for me, I am doomed to talk about absolutely nothing in a gaudy, inelegant way, all to achieve the goal of puffing up my word count (okay, so puffing isn’t entirely without its virtues, but I had to work really hard not to type antidisestablishmentarianism or something equally as showy and irrelevant (as authors are wont to do) and somehow make it fit.)

I could have stopped at showy, bringing myself up short, but irrelevant in this case is just too perfect to resist. Also, if you want to type beyond your 720 adrenaline-inspiring words, how do you count them? I know from experience you don’t get rollover. That would defeat the purpose.

And how do you stop? Morning pages certainly cannot produce the kind of writing that will help you afford the power to keep typing or the light to keep from going blind after a few days of dedication, so should you stop mid-sentence at 720 or the mind-numbing 750 (considering that it will likely be not often that you end your sentence precisely on that round number that would bring you so much peace) so that you can begin your slave, er, paid quota for the day?

Please reassure me that you will keep going, that you will pay homage to the 1000 words that aided you in giving that little bit of mental extra into the writing with which you paper your walls in melted gold (of course that’s not real...I’m a WRITER!) by typing the two extra words that will maintain the properly worded, edited, and structured sentences that comprise all of your writing. Right? Right. Have a nice day. “And may [(975, since I won’t reach 1000 today)] the [(983? Seriously?)] odds be ever in your

(Okay, I can’t do it...1000, here I come.... You cannot bracket words the original author never intended to say! That’s false advertisement!)

Now, that’s perfect.

P.S. (In case you missed it, “cannot” at 1000 and exactly 1,015 words without searching for a way to end. These don’t count because I wrote “P.S.” first. :D (And according to Word, “isn’t it grand,” an emoticon is my 1044th. Beat that, Julia Cameron! (just kidding)) (And I wouldn’t even have had to get out of the bed to check whether it was Julia or Julie if it weren’t for my 36-year-old eyes.)

P.P.S Copied 990 uncensored words for the win. Underachiever.

P.P.P.S EDIT: This is why we don't write in the morning. And it's a good thing my actual goal is the NaNoWriMo 1,667. Oh, wait....