Writing morning pages may be a more difficult habit to get into than doing Bible study every day, even if for different reasons. Nevertheless, I will call on my God to help me persist. As I understand, they will be very helpful.
I would like to decide what to do about Writer's Circle, how to give it more life. (I just thought like a dictationist. ;) ).
The other forms of art, I did not even contribute to. I would like to get a painter marker and jazz up my tray. I say I did not contribute, but I bought supplies (granted, lazy ones, but I wanted to see how they'd work) and actually COMPLETED a project. That should say something.
I still feel that working toward an arbitrary number, even one given structure by an outside source, is false, but I will again do my best and call on God to persist, since it appears to work and since I need something!
Got distracted by email, and what was I looking for?
Also did snooze alarm for singing and dismiss alarm for WC.
Still somewhat fearful of calling Marylhurst.
Remembering what the leader, and the Big Book said about giving God fears and focusing on recovery/helping others. Forgiving others, I suppose, is the way to not worry about what others have done to me. Sounds Biblical. I should find out what they all say. It is so freeing to know that I have a different focus from [resentment, fear, selfishness, and dishonesty].
Good thing to expand yourself as well. Even if you get distracted, you can come back with more if you open up and go out.
What about a "psychic change"? (It's just a brain change, not an ESP reference.) God, my higher power, is helping with that.
What am I doing? I would like to do life, not just work out of desperation, but right now, I am desperate. Whichever issue I'm addressing, I think the part where life is unmanageable is true. Help me to give it over to You, Lord. Thank You!
What place to give tech. I could write on that for eons and probably never finish if I lived that long. I typed a transcription the other day where the life of the interviewed paralleled nearly exactly a life I imagined and could have achieved had I placed a slightly higher stock in tech. It was eerie and inspirational. I don't have to give up here. I can choose to do what I like and then achieve it.
I find myself going back to the 750. I would like to (tried to put have to) type nearly as much as I have already typed once over again.
None of the subjects seem to be sticking today. Maybe it's because I have time. I really want to get out of Tuesday, too. Meh.
The subjects were "right and rare" yesterday (RENT reference). Rocking chairs in multistory buildings over creaky floors lol.
Taking the car apart and putting it back together video with bookmarks and bags numerically labeled.
Being "afraid" people will abuse me and steal my ideas and work versus following the first step in 7 Habits (Covey) of sharing freely and trusting God and the universe to bring it back. Wanting to be rewarded for pursuing something because that fosters the pursuit of other things.
I can tell I'm worried about money today. Please take that, Lord.
If God is not near the top of density, I have issues! (Of course, that might be because Lord, Jesus, etc.)
There is power in the blood!
There is God, then there is me and other people, and then there is music. I am excited about the sheet music I have to play piano, but still ambivalent tending toward negative about the guitar, probably because I consider it a rejection piece. They didn't really care about my piano playing skills, at least it seemed to me.
So many interests. Saving pictures. Archery (came from the blog that appeared after I clicked next blog from mine). Thinking about the style of everything. How fun!
What other fun, positive things can I think about?
I have made good habits (daily self-care) and am making other good habits (changing the way I say things and focusing on God's view).
I have breath, health, life, music, a God who cares, love, power, ability, art, potential, friends (with these same things), etc. (to infinity!).
I have library books. They will help me to do things that I want to do.
I have a flexible schedule so that I can attend CreativeLive's photo week.
I have the ability to consume less-than-healthy things and not die, and I have the ability to say no to them.
What else is recommended for the pages?
A person justifiably got rid of the workbook. I should get another one.
Their lives are not perfect just because they got rid of me, but I should (there's that word) hope for that. I'm not there yet. Lol.
Where is my love? I am focusing on staying stable, but I really want a deep, sustaining love from another human. I know I have that from God, and that is (should be?) enough, but I appreciate romance, etc.
What else will pop into my head until I get there?
Yay, yay. I'm there.
Wednesday, September 21, 2016
Tuesday, September 20, 2016
20160920
Life is rich and full. There are so many things to think about, talk about, and do. Where do people get broken?
There are probably many places people get broken. Perhaps I should start with myself, both so that i am not assuming and so that I can have a smaller field on which to focus.
Depression is even too big a category.
Perhaps thinking about one aspect of depression will help. What about if I concentrate on
This will have to be continued later because I must catch the 1PM bus.
There are probably many places people get broken. Perhaps I should start with myself, both so that i am not assuming and so that I can have a smaller field on which to focus.
Depression is even too big a category.
Perhaps thinking about one aspect of depression will help. What about if I concentrate on
This will have to be continued later because I must catch the 1PM bus.
20160920
Life is rich and full. There are so many things to think about, talk about, and do. Where do people get broken?
There are probably many places people get broken. Perhaps I should start with myself, both so that i am not assuming and so that I can have a smaller field on which to focus.
Depression is even too big a category.
Perhaps thinking about one aspect of depression will help. What about if I concentrate on
This will have to be continued later because I must catch the 1PM bus.
There are probably many places people get broken. Perhaps I should start with myself, both so that i am not assuming and so that I can have a smaller field on which to focus.
Depression is even too big a category.
Perhaps thinking about one aspect of depression will help. What about if I concentrate on
This will have to be continued later because I must catch the 1PM bus.
Thursday, November 12, 2015
20151112
Entered the SC Johnson sweeps but did not win (instantaneous). I did not understand recording a reaction video when I am not yet with my family. Perhaps they should make it more clear, but I was already on the page where I had to cancel before I could read further.
Still trying to write novel, so these may be shorter for now, but recording stream of consciousness that I will not use in novel.
Still trying to write novel, so these may be shorter for now, but recording stream of consciousness that I will not use in novel.
Monday, September 14, 2015
20150914
Gotta write somewhere. Gotta write something. What an appropriate forum.
I'm feeling nervous. I'm sure some of it is starting lessons with a new voice teacher, but I don't know what the rest is.
Perhaps that I'm still angry at X1.
Do "they" choose librarians intentionally who can walk fast? The lady helping me be "another set of eyes" flew down the short stretch to the graphic novels.
Going to look up Julia Cameron. BRB....
Got her and also some note about Letters to a Young Artist... lol. Going to look up Wilke, whose name I only just now got. Haha.
Well, got to checking out Cameron on line and now it's time for warmups. Later.
Edit at 4:28:
Well, really annoying day where nothing worked. Gotta love that, right? Man, the guy behind me is tapping loudly.
That just reminded me of when I asked Marilyn about adverbs and who and whom usage and when grandma had me call her about speaking Italian and when grandma told me about the three degrees.
Typing that reminded me of how important showing off was and the aunt whose name I cannot remember right now and Bradley and Susan and their daughters.
I really don't feel like much right now. Earlier I was thinking, how do you get through places where you are not doing so well to places where you're thriving? What are the instruments?
Only at 234 words, checking Word for count, and finding out that I, at least, can't find word count for a notebook. Pasted in a boring document. Moving on. (P.S. Did not know that there were notebook templates, so that's a plus.)
Just thought of Oprah and her thankfulness initiative.
Things for Which to Be Thankful:
1. breathing
2. stuff
3. food
4. some people
5. music
6. the bari Ray sent me (cried watching that earlier)
7. mom being in my life (even if only for a short period)
8. intelligence
9. changing self-talk around
10. introspection
11. extroversion
12. the library
13. the studios
14. martha's house
15. apples
16. apples
17. God
18. Jesus
19. the Holy Spirit
20. the spirit God gave me
21. light
22. reading
Although I feel a little better, maybe I would feel a lot better with some kind of mood regulator. For now, gonna try food.
Edit at 4:42
So, remembered dreaming something about mom and losing her again. Also dreamt about work. I had to keep training people, but there was one really lazy one and she was gonna get me in trouble so I did my best to remain courteous and encourage her. She didn't move, but work appreciated my attitude, so they just disciplined her.
I'm feeling nervous. I'm sure some of it is starting lessons with a new voice teacher, but I don't know what the rest is.
Perhaps that I'm still angry at X1.
Do "they" choose librarians intentionally who can walk fast? The lady helping me be "another set of eyes" flew down the short stretch to the graphic novels.
Going to look up Julia Cameron. BRB....
Got her and also some note about Letters to a Young Artist... lol. Going to look up Wilke, whose name I only just now got. Haha.
Well, got to checking out Cameron on line and now it's time for warmups. Later.
Edit at 4:28:
Well, really annoying day where nothing worked. Gotta love that, right? Man, the guy behind me is tapping loudly.
That just reminded me of when I asked Marilyn about adverbs and who and whom usage and when grandma had me call her about speaking Italian and when grandma told me about the three degrees.
Typing that reminded me of how important showing off was and the aunt whose name I cannot remember right now and Bradley and Susan and their daughters.
I really don't feel like much right now. Earlier I was thinking, how do you get through places where you are not doing so well to places where you're thriving? What are the instruments?
Only at 234 words, checking Word for count, and finding out that I, at least, can't find word count for a notebook. Pasted in a boring document. Moving on. (P.S. Did not know that there were notebook templates, so that's a plus.)
Just thought of Oprah and her thankfulness initiative.
Things for Which to Be Thankful:
1. breathing
2. stuff
3. food
4. some people
5. music
6. the bari Ray sent me (cried watching that earlier)
7. mom being in my life (even if only for a short period)
8. intelligence
9. changing self-talk around
10. introspection
11. extroversion
12. the library
13. the studios
14. martha's house
15. apples
16. apples
17. God
18. Jesus
19. the Holy Spirit
20. the spirit God gave me
21. light
22. reading
Although I feel a little better, maybe I would feel a lot better with some kind of mood regulator. For now, gonna try food.
Edit at 4:42
So, remembered dreaming something about mom and losing her again. Also dreamt about work. I had to keep training people, but there was one really lazy one and she was gonna get me in trouble so I did my best to remain courteous and encourage her. She didn't move, but work appreciated my attitude, so they just disciplined her.
Thursday, May 21, 2015
20150521
With all of the other things I'm writing daily, how will I ever get to this?
Lots of memories today, too. Woke up with them. Don't exactly remember now-vivid dreams but did not document. Did that cause the reminiscent flow?
Lots of memories today, too. Woke up with them. Don't exactly remember now-vivid dreams but did not document. Did that cause the reminiscent flow?
Saturday, May 16, 2015
20150516
I was just thinking about how this being up is starting to annoy me, and I want to change that attitude. It is a good reminder to do it, and I must be able to write even when it is required of me, not just when I have some brilliant insight on which to repose. I also must not let its indication of a number of words limit me. People who read this, namely, me, will not mind if I ramble on and on, since it's just my morning pages. If I were to go on too long in a thesis paper for instance, the instructors/board would be justified in calling me over-verbose. However, this is my space and a place where it's accepted, and somewhat encouraged to do so if that's what makes the good things work.
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